EP75(Revisit)-Anthony Delauney-Financial Literacy for the Fam: Fun Ways to Teach Your Kids!

Herb: 00:00:19

Hello and welcome to Bringing Education Home. I'm Herb.

Kristina: 00:00:22

And I'm Kristina and together we bring ideas for families that will help grow healthy, happy and successful children that are.

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Herb: 00:00:36

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Anthony Delauney.

Anthony is a financial advisor and the founder of Owning the Dash llc, an organization dedicated to promoting childhood financial literacy and family financial freedom. Delani has written a series of award winning children picture books that each teach basic lessons about money.

ansition into retirement. His: 2022

Anthony has worked in the financial service industry for over two decades and has acquired the professional certifications of Certified Financial Planner Practitioner, Chartered Financial Consultant, Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor, Retirement Income Certified Professional and Behavior Financial Advisor. Welcome Anthony.

Kristina: 00:01:35

That's a lot of, lot of, a lot of letters and titles after I.

Anthony Delauney: 00:01:39

Was going to say, I think, well, number one, thank you so much for having me too. I've definitely got to cut that. We'll just stick with the letters next time or something like that.

But I think that for your listeners, one of the best ways I can help explain that gobbledygook next to my name is, as I mentioned, I've been in the financial services industry basically right out of college. So I've been doing it for a little over 20 years.

And back in high school they had, you know, most likely superlatives, most likely to be this, most likely to be that, or do that. I was voted among my peers as the most worrisome person in our school. So I don't even know why they allowed that back then.

But for being a planner, it's either a wonderful or a terrible thing, but it's worked out pretty well.

But all the designations and so forth are really about me just trying to constantly stay on top of all the different changes that are happening in the financial world. So. But thank you for that introduction. It really, yeah, a couple of things.

Herb: 00:02:38

Kind of jumped out at the out of the introduction. First is the dadvisor instead of the advisor and the second is owning the dash.

You know that that is the the dash is what comes between your birth date and your death date on your tombstone. And so as soon As I saw that, I kind of recognized that. So that's owning your life. And so I really like the way that. That you incorporated that.

And where is that, what that is about? And how did you get. How did you become dadvisor?

Anthony Delauney: 00:03:11

Sure.

So the dadvisor part is, as I said, I kind of came into the financial services world at a young age and went through all the stages of kind of family, got married, purchased a first home, had a child, had another child, purchased the next home, and went through all these different stages. And as I was going through that and also serving as an advisor for others, I realized that there's a lot that goes on when it comes to family life.

It's hard enough to manage your own life, but then when you're trying to do it with a partner or spouse and children and everything else, it's just the analogy I like to use is there's a lot of puzzle pieces floating all over the place, and it's a constantly evolving puzzle board as well. As soon as we think we've got the game plan figured out, then there's some unique little curveball that gets thrown at us.

So the dadvisor really came about with just this idea that my passion has always been helping families. And a good friend coined that name a little several years back, and it just kind of helped.

So it's all about kind of showing that, hey, I'm a dad, but I'm also an advisor. Owning the Dash is actually a little bit more of a personal tale. It's a little sad, unfortunately. Basically, about five years ago, I had a cousin.

His name was Greg Plitt, P L I T T. And Greg was actually really well known in the fitness world.

He was on the COVID of over 250 fitness magazines like Men's Health and things like that. You would look at him and look at me and wouldn't believe we were cousins, because his physique might have been a little different than my own.

d away in an accident back in: 2015

Before vlogging was even a thing, he would have fans and members emailing questions on life and fitness, and he would do video blocks to answer those questions. And as a way of kind of remembering him, I'd watch his videos.

And I realized that a lot of his philosophies as they related to fitness could also apply to the world of finance. And so that is how the first book came to life. And the title itself, as you were just Describing it, he actually did a video on death.

And the idea of Owning the Dash, taking ownership of your life. We only have this limited time. We have no idea how long the Dash is going to be.

But just making the most of that time and recognizing that you put things off till tomorrow, they may not be here. So it really hit hard. And titling a book Owning the Dash.

Most people, as you can imagine, had no idea that that was a financial book when they first saw it. But when it came out, it fortunately was received very positive feedback. And when Covid started, I decided that was.

That book was written, really written for young families.

I wanted to also write one for kind of the individuals looking for the transition into retirement and all those difficult decisions and Social Security and all the other fun stuff. But what. So I started when Covid happened to do that during the evening hours after the kids went to bed.

But for any of those that have teenage daughters or sons out there, I have a teenage daughter that does not sleep. So I'd be writing during the evening hours, and then all of a sudden I look to my right and I'd hear, hi, Daddy.

And my daughter Abby would start writing stories next to me. As I was writing, she'd start writing stories as well.

And we came up with the idea of writing a children's picture book that taught a basic financial lesson. And. And a little while later, Dash and Nikki and the Jelly Bean Game came to life. And that was the first of the Owning the Dash kids books.

And just as of April of this year, we've released the fifth one and the sixth one comes out in October. So.

Kristina: 00:06:58

Wow.

Anthony Delauney: 00:06:59

And yes, it's been. It's been a fun, crazy journey.

Kristina: 00:07:02

So we have hit the jackpot here. Not only do we have financial advisor, someone who understands money stuff, we have a dad who's gone through all the ups and downs and.

And an author to help our kids and families learn more about all of this stuff. We have totally hit the jackpot today. Love it.

Herb: 00:07:18

One of the things that I loved that you said when you were describing that was how things as a dad change all of the time. And as soon as you get it figured out, it changes. And that is. That is something that's really missing right now.

And that's one of the things that we encourage in our work is you can't just get somewhere and think, oh, now I'm done. I got it. Because the kids are always changing at each level of education. You need to talk to the children differently.

You need to approach them differently. It's like you get a strategy, figure it out.

That strategy is good for six months and then you have to find out the next strategy because this ever changing world, especially with children, and then it's so important to actually be there at that time. So kudos to you for figuring that out, for putting that in your books, for. For being able to sit down with your daughter through that different time.

Said, oh, go to bed.

Anthony Delauney: 00:08:14

Well, I love how you said, I have it all figured out. I'm about to go through the stage.

I've seen a lot of families go through it, but I'm about to go through the learner's permit and getting your driver's license stage. So to say that I have it all figured out, I wish that was true.

Because the panic that's inside of what's coming, even though you've seen it and you've seen others go through it, there is always this sense of unknown that, that, I mean, it just exists for all of us.

Herb: 00:08:40

Yeah. I've taught several people how to drive. It is both rewarding and terrifying at the same time. Not only my children, but other people's children. So.

Yeah, got it.

Anthony Delauney: 00:08:50

All right.

Herb: 00:08:51

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:08:51

And the whole car insurance dilemma, how much car insurance, extra car insurance, how do we get it on the kids coverage, all that kind of stuff. Oh, my goodness. Well, tell us just a little bit more about children's financial awareness.

We really want families to really start this a little bit earlier than what we are now because we have so many families, like you said, who don't quite have it figured out, maybe get into a situation that could have been prevented. And I, as an educator, you know, always tried to bring in a little bit of financial literacy into my classroom as well. Why is it important to.

To start young teaching our children about this whole financial thing?

Anthony Delauney: 00:09:30

Sure. So one of the biggest questions with families that over all the years has been how and when do I start talking to my kids about.

And a lot of times when it comes to financial literacy, a lot.

Oftentimes we kind of think of, when do I start teaching my kids how to trade stocks, when do I teach or how to invest and how to do things like that. And I love the fact that you're shaking your head right now because it's absolutely true. It's kind of if you.

Sometimes it's good to introduce things, but if you introduce things at too early of an age, it can actually do more harm than good. And just as a simple example, if you introduced investing, and a lot of times there's so Many different ways that kids can invest nowadays.

There are apps and things like that, but a lot of those apps, when they make a trade, bells go off and when they or confetti falls from the ceiling or whatever it might be, and if they haven't learned how to kind of monitor their emotions, then all of a sudden trading and investing and financial decision making becomes an emotional avenue and emotion and money don't go well together. Usually we don't make the best decisions when we're emotional.

And I honestly, I discovered this a bit also with writing the original book on comparing fitness and money, where if your mindset's not in the right spot, if you're stressed, you're probably going to eat poor, you're probably not going to take as good care of your health. So what that discovery helped me to understand was that you really need to focus on those core fundamentals at a very early age.

Just like we try to teach our children when they're very young how to brush their teeth, how to do these basic things that are to care for their bodies and to care for what they put into their body and things of that nature, to eat those vegetables or whatever it might be, those, those habits and those mindsets around those types of things are. They apply to all the different areas of life, whether it's fitness or finance or all sorts of different items.

And so when it came to writing the kids books, I realized that I had to go way back. We had to kind of start right at the stage where children maybe don't understand what money is.

A three year old, a four year old, a five year old doesn't understand they can't make, they can't earn it. So it's very hard for them to appreciate its value, but they can understand certain concepts.

And going back to the first book, Dash and Nikki and the Jelly Bean Game, it basically involved a brother and sister who might look just like my kids, just, you know, on the side note. But they wake up one morning and there's a letter waiting for them. They open it up and invites them to play the jelly bean game.

And they go downstairs and on their kitchen table are two plates that each have 10 jelly beans on them and a giant jar of jelly beans in the center. And have either of you ever heard of the marshmallow study?

Herb: 00:12:22

Oh, yes.

Anthony Delauney: 00:12:24

Okay, Yeah.

Herb: 00:12:25

I was gonna also say that there's this video of this young child being offered 10,000, a stack of $10,000 in cash or a bag of cookies. And he goes, I want the cookies. It's like, but this is $10,000. Like, I want the cookies. So. Yeah, but the marshmallow is.

A child was said if they put a marshmallow on the plate and said, if you can wait 10 minutes before you eat this marshmallow, then you'll get two marshmallows. And then they would leave the room. And very few children actually waited and got the second marshmallow.

Some of them would try and wait a little while, but then they would eat it. Very few of them actually managed to wait the entire time to get that second marshmallow.

Anthony Delauney: 00:13:03

So, I mean, and it's a great study because we can, as parents, we know the emotions. We can imagine what we would be as children trying to. Would I be the child? Would I be able to wait? Would I be able to resist the temptation? Or not?

But for those who haven't heard the study or part of it, I thought it was just a brilliant study that they kind of really helped to make something clear that both an adult and a child might be able to understand.

So in this case, the letter says, or the game states, for every hour that they can resist, and there's 10 jelly beans sitting on their plate, they'll get five more. And so Dash, the older brother, he. He's a. He wants to win. He's a very competitive type individual.

So he actually takes another plate and covers up his jelly beans so he can't see them. And immediately that, that there's a lesson there on, okay, there's temptation in front of me.

I'm going to take the temptation out of sight, put it out of sight, out of mind. Just like for down the road as an adult, money sitting in a checking account, if it's sitting there and it's available, somehow it finds a home.

Whereas if we invested in something or put it somewhere out of somewhere else, we've given it purpose and it's not as tempting. But in the. So he, He. He covers up his.

Whereas his little sister Nikki is a little bit more impulsive and maybe after just two minutes, decides to down those jelly beans. And what we find out later in the story is that Dash's pile, as the hours pass, is growing and growing and Nikki's plate is empty. And it's.

I mean, kids get to see this kind of. This kind of compounding effect, the delayed gratification. But on the same end, it's a pretty terrible story if that's how it ended.

One child gets nothing, the other child gets everything.

So I also wanted to make sure they incorporate the idea of Compassion into the story where Dash sees that his sister is struggling and says, I'll make you a deal. I'll give you 10 jelly beans if you'll agree to give me 12 jelly beans back. And the idea is that he knows she'll benefit far more than that.

She'll end up with far more jelly beans by the end of the day.

But he's kind of giving her a way to participate and give her a leg up, even though she might have made a little mistake at the beginning or put herself in Harrison. So the story is that we all can win, we can support each other.

But patience and kind of knowing what could come down the road, if you can see it, is a lot more powerful than what we might be thinking at that moment when those jelly beans are sitting right in front of us.

Herb: 00:15:19

So, you know, in this day and age, you know, the out of the box, what we talked about. So there are so many children and actually college graduates right now that they make videos. It's like, how come nobody.

I'm graduated from college and I'm a gazillion dollars in debt and I can't balance a checkbook and I can't do. I can't do simple things. It's like, how come this stuff wasn't taught to me in school?

Anthony Delauney: 00:15:42

It's. It's interesting how back when we were growing up, discussing money was a faux pas. We didn't ask, we didn't. It was.

It's kind of just the, the unwritten rule that money wasn't discussed.

Nowadays, the thing that's interesting is that there's tons of information available that you can go and Google practically anything and you'll get answers. You might be getting 30, 40, 50 different answers, but it'll still get answers.

And I think that the hard part about this environment is that there's that kind of analysis paralysis.

There's so much information being thrown at you, and a lot of times the place where that information is being gathered is in places where you get little snippets. So like a little quick video versus a more in depth discussion.

And with snippets, they have to kind of give the thing that's exciting versus the thing that's boring. A lot of financial advice is very boring. It's not something we want to admit. It's just like brushing your teeth. It's not exciting to talk about.

But you know, if you keep doing it, you're going to be a lot happier later in life. And if you don't do it, you're probably going to be a lot less happy later in life.

But I think that the hard part that individuals have now, it's just there is all these tools out there and sometimes we think tools are what are needed, but it's really the lesson behind the tool, what's in the mind, what's being discussed. There's so many apps, fitness apps out there. That doesn't mean everyone's in much better health today than they were 20 years ago.

So I think that the whole idea, even behind all the kids stories, is that that seemed to be the best way to really introduce scenarios that children can understand.

And one of the biggest things I discovered, I had a coach with writing children's books that shared with me something that I would have never thought of. They said, when you're writing a children's picture book, make sure it is never a parent telling the child what to do.

Because as soon children are brilliant and they will see that right away. So if you're just like when we tell our kids what to do, they, they sometimes do the opposite.

A lot of times children learn when they see two siblings or two best friends or something like someone in, in their world going through a similar experience. And in this case there's a brother and sister going through that experience.

Mom and dad might have introduced the game, but they're not involved in the story until the very end.

So it really kind of goes back to trying to understand the psyche of how kids absorb information and focusing on those kind of making the boring things fun, I guess is probably the best way to say it.

Kristina: 00:18:27

And I really, really like that.

One of the things that as a teacher I kind of worked around a little bit about the adult telling the child what to do was if you ask permission, and it's a marketing thing, it is a sales thing, but you always ask permission.

And so even if you are the adult that has to like give the information, ask permission, do you want to know what some other kids sometimes do in your situation? Because then the kids are thinking, oh, this other kid did it. It's not mom and dad telling me what to do, it's what they've seen other kids do.

So that, you know, if you don't have that trusted brother or sister or whatever, maybe by expressing it to your child that way, do you want to know what some other children have learned or can do in this kind of situation, then sometimes it helps them out too.

Anthony Delauney: 00:19:09

So to to that point, one thing that I've noticed little kids love to do is play grown up. They want to be the ones in charge. They want to show that they can do these things.

And when you give them the opportunity to feel that they have ownership in the decision making, it's just extremely powerful because even if they mess up, they, they, it's, it's their fault if they met. And I don't want to say fault. It's, it's their learning versus the parents saying, oh, I told you you should have done it this way.

And then so just kind of to that point. My fourth book is called Rohan and Naira and Big Sisters Bet. And the story actually takes place. The foundation of the story I was writing.

I'm sorry, I was outside in the backyard playing football with my son and we're just throwing the ball back and forth. And I said, you know what? I'll make you a bet. For every catch we make, I'll give you a quarter and we'll keep going until you say you want to stop.

But if at any time that we want, you fumble the football, then you lose all the money. So every parent probably knows where this story is going, right?

Jason, My son got, got an idea of how much he wanted to make and something he wanted to buy. And we started playing. He got up to $5, then he got up to $10.

He made enough to get the thing he wanted, but then he started to think about other things he might want. And so we kept going. We made it up to $15, made it up to $18.75, and I said, are you sure you won another throw?

And he thought about it for a minute, threw the ball to him, and sure enough, there's the fumble. And it's sad, but the thing that was amazing about the moment was that when he fumbled, he looked down at the ball and just stood there quietly.

He reflected on the moment that he can't get mad at dad. It wasn't dad's fault that he dropped it. He just kind of thought about, I allowed greed to get the better of me. I allowed my emotion to drive it.

And I said, he'll never forget this moment. Anytime he's got that to happen again, he's going to be thinking back to this little football game. So I said, that has to be turned into a story.

But in this case, it's going to be once again a brother and sister playing catch versus a dad and son.

So it's fun just to kind of stories that kids can relate to, but we can see where they can go and we can see how if we can understand our emotions and greed at an early age, once it comes to the big financial decisions like buying a car or investing in the market or doing things like that, it's a lot easier to be prepared.

Kristina: 00:21:41

That is wonderful.

So when you start teaching your child about coins and dollars and things like that, which they don't see very much anymore because we have these silly little plastic cards, is that where you would usually start if you were actually laying out a course for your child? Or would you talk about saving and buying? Where. Where would you kind of start with your child?

Anthony Delauney: 00:22:03

So I think one of the best places to start is one. So my.

My daughter's now in high school, and what I can say is that if you don't introduce the concepts to them, those concepts will be forced upon them. My daughter had to go on a trip with her, her choir recently.

They were able to sing at a location out of state, and it was her first trip by herself or without parents, as chaperones. And so she needed to pay for things while she was there. And so she had to be able to use a card or cash.

In this case, we went to give her a card and just experience that. Be responsible for purchasing something on your own. So if you don't introduce it, it will get introduced.

It'll be forced upon them, and it can be a much more awkward situation if you don't introduce it earlier. So simple ways that you can introduce financial concepts to children are one, bringing them along for the things that you do in normal life.

Taking them to the grocery store and actually having discussions with them, once again, giving them ownership. How much we buy here. One thing I always love to do is my son would love to go to the grocery.

I'm sorry, Whenever we go to the gas station, right at the cashier's desk, there's all the candy and. And whatnot. And he would always get me, this will give me that.

And I would say, well, let's take a look at what the price is here and let's see what it is in the grocery store. And then as soon as they start to see it, I can get twice as much if I. If I wait. And these things start to register.

So it's not so much we have to talk to them about, you know, how much are you saving, or things of that nature, but things that they can relate to, things that they want in their everyday lives. And then once they do start making money, whether it's through allowance or through work of some sort.

One thing I found very helpful, especially if you have stubborn children, not to say mine are Stubborn. They're not. They're wonderful. And they're persistent. They're. Persistent is a good word, giving them ownership in a decision.

So if, now, if, as an example, my son says, dad, can we get that candy item at the, at the gas station? If I feel it's appropriate for, for him to get, I'll say yes, but you have to pay for 50% of it. And then we all of a sudden start incorporating math.

Okay, I have to figure out how much 50% is, am I willing to give up that much for. Of my money for. For that item? And then they start taking more and more ownership in the decision.

And for those that are savers, your kids will never ask you again to buy something for you. On the other end, you might have a child that doesn't really care too much about money. And it'll be a different type of discussion.

But you are, you're always the one giving the final control over whether or not they participate, but you're at least allowing them to participate. I think that's the most important part. Yeah.

Herb: 00:24:50

So when you get into the world of entrepreneurship, a lot of this planning stuff goes a little differently. It shouldn't, but it does because you get involved in your business and sometimes your business needs more money.

And sometimes those hidden piles of money that you have for a rainy day, it's suddenly raining very hard, and you kind of need them for your business. So a lot of entrepreneurs end up going through much different kind of cycles. Do you cover that in any of your books or any of your trainings yet?

Because again, it's a different kind of a conversation with, with your children when, when your life is riding on your last dollar.

Anthony Delauney: 00:25:31

Absolutely. Obviously that's a bit more of an adult conversation.

And if things continue to progress with owning the Dash and the way I hope they will and intend for them to, the chapter books will likely come where we start introducing business concepts to young children. And I say young being teenagers and things over, that's really when they can start understanding some of those more complex pieces.

But even for adults, after working with families for 20 years, I've seen a lot of business owners and we're in a world where every year it's constantly evolving. As soon as, like you said in the beginning, as soon as we think we've got it figured out, there's this new dynamic that gets brought into the mix.

And yes, starting a business is a. It's a whirlwind is probably the best way to say it. Even if it's a franchise.

And you have a blueprint of some sort, it still is a whirlwind because you have to be willing to commit some level down initially, time, money and so forth.

So I think that the first thing, even before starting the business is kind of really doing the full assessment of oh, is it just me I'm doing this for or am I doing a family that I have to also care for? And if I do, then what thresholds am I going to give myself for the business? In other words, I can't.

I don't want to sacrifice the family for the business. Or at least I want to make sure the family, my spouse and so forth is, is on board and aware of what's going on.

Because if you start the real problems with finance start to happen with adults. When you start making individual decisions or hiding decisions because you don't want to deal with the aftermath or the discussion.

And sometimes they are hard discussions, especially when it comes to. Even with introducing these books, there was a down payment of time and money and so forth.

And you do you sometimes feel all the emotions from extreme excitement of what can come to extreme guilt for should I be taking all this time to invest into bringing this business to life? So I think that the first piece is if you can make sure you don't sacrifice your other priorities in life.

In other words, if you're not putting your family in harm's way and going too far overboard in that sense, that's key piece number one. Key piece number two is if you're finding you're really in the thick of it with decision making.

Sometimes you have to make decisions quickly, but a lot of times you can pause and it goes back to the emotion. Even though kids, we can see them do it all the time as adults you would be amazed how many emotional decisions we make every day.

If you're making a decision at a moment based on an emotion, waiting 24 hours to make that decision or to reflect on that decision can be very, very critical. And if you don't know, I think that this is probably the final big piece I would say especially for small business owners.

Well, for really everyone across the board.

The first chapter of my original self help book, as well as the first chapter of my retirement self help book as well as the most recent book that I released for children, discusses the number one issue that I have found is the biggest roadblock to preventing from people from achieving financial success. And it's fear of judgment. A lot of times we fear judgment applies to so many things.

But just like I said I don't want to discuss this with my partner, with my spouse, because I'm afraid of how I'm going to be judged. I might have made a mistake. I don't know how that's going to affect things. So I'm going to bottle up, I'm going to revert to myself.

But fear of judgment also in recognizing maybe I need help, maybe I do need a coach or an advisor or someone to kind of, before I jump in, leap into this, how are we looking overall? Are we in okay shape to be able to make this kind of decision? Fear of judgment exists on so many levels. We fear confronting our own emotions.

We fear what our partners, the people we love may think.

I will say that as a financial advisor, my job is to help individuals and the number of people said, please don't judge me for the decision I've made. If you feel I'm judging you, you should fire me on the spot because I'm just here to help you.

So I think that that's, it's very much emotional related.

But if you can recognize your fear of judgment and gain knowledge on the things you don't understand and kind of really build that game plan, it makes not only retirement planning and education planning and all the other forms of planning more, more efficient. But for small business planning, you need to have some type of roadmap or structure to follow.

Otherwise you, you mean you can go off the rails with all sorts of decision making. So I hope that it's a long winded answer to your short question.

Herb: 00:32:01

No, that's a beautiful answer. I also do transformational coaching and one of the, one of the problems people don't talk is people don't talk to each other.

And why they don't talk to each other is because they're afraid of that judgment.

So as a coach, the first rule is to sit there and listen and be non judgmental and understand what they're saying instead of being judgmental towards them. Because if you start judging and then you're going to lose a client like right now.

So I totally understand that, that, that listening part, that being open and just hearing what they have to say without judgment is just so critically important for so many aspects of life, not only in financial.

Kristina: 00:32:39

Well, and then I want to take it to the parenting standpoint. Think about if you can sit there and listen to your child when they're burying their soul, oh, I made this mistake.

And try your hardest not to be judgmental and really just help them kind of figure out, okay, what are your next steps going to be because you did really screw up, now what are you going to do kind of thing. You know, that kind of communication is so valuable in so many different arenas.

Anthony Delauney: 00:33:04

And it's hard because we judge ourselves as well, and, and sometimes we don't realize it, but we sometimes take that stress and anxiety out on others. And children are the ones that are the most dependent on you being able to control your emotions. So it's. And don't get me wrong, we all have those.

I can definitely say that I do, even though I recognize it doesn't mean that it's always calm and collected. But I do think that one of the best ways to overcome that fear is knowledge and feeling some sense of control, keeping it flexible. But if you.

If you at least have a game plan and you have an open dialogue, it makes things a lot easier than kind of having all the thoughts run through your head of what scenarios could go wrong and what. What problems can persist because 99% of them don't happen. One of them might, but then you adjust accordingly.

Kristina: 00:34:03

This actually brings to mind something that we did as young parents, as on, as entrepreneurs, is we tried to hide the fact that things weren't going well from our children. And we know now that that was a big mistake. Because like you said, children, you know, they pick up on things. I know that.

You know, yeah, as a classroom teacher, if I was having an off day, my kids in my classroom would know it. They just have this, like, little spidey sense behind them and stuff like that. So have you ever had to help a client go through that?

How do you kind of talk to your children about, oh, hey, we might be losing the house, things aren't going as well as, you know. Have you ever had to maybe bridge that conversation or help parents kind of say, oh, we have to have this tough conversation with the kids?

Anthony Delauney: 00:34:44

Absolutely.

And I think that one of the advantages of having, whether it's a coach, as you talked about transcendental coaching or financial advising, whatever it might be, is just being able to kind of release that tension makes things a lot easier. And usually it's. I don't want to say it's supposed to, but oftentimes it could be your spouse, but they're the person you want to let down the least.

They already have, you know, all the stress they're going through, so you don't want to add more to their plate. But the hard part is if you don't, then you go to the next person you're most likely to. That you Know loves you and that's your children.

So I think that with parenting, it's a matter of realizing that your children are learning the good and the bad. And we don't learn through success. We learn through failure. And the things that the children will observe is okay. My parents, they haven't failed.

Failure is not a great word. We learn through mistakes, whatever you want to call it. But how are they reacting in this moment? And it's okay to suffer. It's okay to show sadness.

It's okay to show that. That you can experience pain too. There's one thing that's positive about our generation versus previous is that parents are allowed to be.

To struggle a little bit.

We've got a lot on our plate, but the, the biggest part is just recognizing when you're talking to the kids, even if you do get stressed, they get stressed too. They have outbursts. It's okay for an adult to have an outburst. Do you take time and reflect on it after you recognize that you did it?

And the next day even go to them and say, I'm sorry.

I, you know, moms and dads get stressed out too, and just, just kind of validate their emotions, make sure they have a chance to communicate any thoughts that they have. It's. Once again, if you treat them like young adults, they'll act like young adults.

And I think the other thing is that you don't want to ever use your children, even though we all probably do it as a crutch. In other words, you can't look to them to solve the problem for you or to make the problem go away.

It's very much using life as learning opportunities. And the good will happen. This too shall pass. Tom Hanks said that recently in A Little Thing. So we, we get through.

I've seen a lot of craziness over 20 years, and we get through it. And especially with small business owners, be prepared for the first three years to be a little chaotic. Right?

Kristina: 00:37:27

Just a little.

Herb: 00:37:28

A little bit.

Kristina: 00:37:30

Wow. Yes. Came right in there. Right there. Dad advisor just matched right up. Perfect. No, that is lovely.

And you know, like I was saying, the whole reason for that question is like, we have parents who are, you know, stressed over finances or stressed over whatever. And again, that conversation, just to highlight, it's okay to have that conversation with your children.

Of course, age appropriate, you don't want to, you know, scare a little one. But at the same time, like you said, be vulnerable.

Talk to them, make sure they're able to ask questions so that they aren't Thinking it's them, you know, oh, I'm making mom and dad stressed out. I'm making mom and dad upset. When it actually it's the finances instead.

Anthony Delauney: 00:38:13

I also share one thing that I've shared with families across the board.

When it comes to the most successful clients I've seen over the years, when it comes to financial planning, they incorporate two things into their planning. The first, it's a crude joke, but it sticks. They incorporate the F word, flexibility.

And that's the only reason I could say it that because it sticks a little bit more. But flexibility is key because as we all know as parents, things are constantly evolving.

So when you're implementing a plan, how can we make it flexible? How can we make sure we don't? With setting up the business or with saving into a retirement plan? Yes, there's.

Do we understand what restrictions exist? Do we understand liquidity factors, all those other things? If we can keep things fairly flexible, then we can adapt to changing environments.

Whereas if we just kind of have this is the way and that's it, then it makes things hard. And if we're only saving into one type of account and we're not sure exactly how it works, like a 401k, we can't really touch until 59 and a half.

That doesn't help for education, that doesn't help for that car purchase that may be coming up in a few years, or for the business we're trying to get started right now.

Kristina: 00:39:22

Exactly.

Anthony Delauney: 00:39:24

So that's number one and the second one. So flexibility is number one. Systematize is number two. The more systems you can put in place, the less you have to think about.

And kind of the analogy of, of planning is you have all those puzzle pieces all over the place right now. The initial year, you want to build that frame of your puzzle, and then as the years progress, you can build pieces more and more.

But until you kind of have that frame and are able to take those, that random thought in the back of your head out of the way and know, I'm doing this. And by doing this, I know I'm on track for this or I'm on track for that, I don't have to think about it anymore.

Kristina: 00:40:02

Right.

Anthony Delauney: 00:40:03

It's, it's just kind of like teaching kids those habits right from the get go.

If they're brushing their teeth, I'm sorry to keep going back to that one, but then their teeth are probably going to be in pretty good shape and they're not going to have to worry about the drill at the Dentist office the next time they. They go in.

Actually, it's flexibility and systematizing things just help to keep the flow going and allow you to focus on the things like growing the business or like taking care of the children or whatever it might be.

Kristina: 00:40:30

I love that. Yeah. It reminds me of whenever I talk to parents about rhythm and routine.

You know, we have routines set up with our children, like brushing your teeth before bed, your bedtime routine, your dinner routine, your get ready to go in the morning routine.

And again, it's one of those things that when life throws us a curveball, we can fall back on those routines, the kids can fall back on those routines, know exactly what's coming, and then things settle down a little bit. So, yeah, financial talk, parent planning talk, very similar. Uhhuh.

Anthony Delauney: 00:41:00

It all comes together, right? It's.

Kristina: 00:41:01

It does, yeah.

Herb: 00:41:03

The world's very holographic. It all the pieces as above, so below, it just kind of all the problem. You know, if you have a problem, it's going to be in different places.

If you have successes, it's going to be in different places. So it's very interesting how it all kind of fits together.

Kristina: 00:41:17

Exactly.

Anthony Delauney: 00:41:18

And I will say that oftentimes when it comes to stress and so forth, one of the things that we all that we're most likely to do is se is focus on logic and avoid relationship. And that can be one of the biggest harms that exists.

Relationships, whether friends or advisors or coaches or spouses, those are the things that get you out of the rut, usually of the mindset that you're in. So I think that's another important thing for us to just always be mindful of, no matter what journey we're taking.

Going back to the fifth book that I just mentioned, the Fear of Judgment, it basically involved two children who are attending their first gymnastics class and they're going to use the springboard. And one tries the springboard and falls flat on his face and is worried that all the kids in the room are making fun of him and laughing at him.

And the other child doesn't want to even try because they have the same fear. They have the anxiety building around that, and so they separate from the group.

And in this case, Dash actually happens to be a gymnast from the original book. Jason, my son is a gymnast. So he comes in to tell them, I went through the same emotions. This is normal. We do want you to succeed.

We do want you to do well. Just like for the two, I want you. I want whatever that business is we're discussing I want it to be extremely successful.

We want each other to succeed, even though the news might tell us or the media like shock value, so they'll tell you bad things. Reality is we all care about each other. We love seeing each other succeed. We love the underdog stories.

So in this case, DASH encourages the two of them.

The story's a bit more in depth than that, but they try again, they succeed, and they realize that the people there were not there to judge them, but were there to as a, to bring them up. So. So yeah, it's. It's amazing how much psychological psychology goes into all this fun stuff.

Kristina: 00:43:11

Absolutely. Love it. All right, so it's your turn.

How do our families get a hold of you either as an advisor or for these wonderful books that you've been talking about?

Anthony Delauney: 00:43:21

So if you go to owning the dash.com o w n I n g the dash dash dot com, all the books are there. These books are actually being incorporated into a lot of schools all across the country.

So in addition to the books, there's a section on the website called For Educators. And on there there's free PDFs with discussion questions as well as with free games and activities that kids can do.

And there is a password to get into those. But I'll share with all of your listeners. That password is Owning my Dash exclamation point with the O, M and D all capitalized.

So just plug in that password. All those things will open up. But yes, I'd be very, I'm very grateful for today. This has been.

Been a whole lot of fun and kind of going really deep today.

Kristina: 00:44:13

I tell you, I love it. Thank you so very, very much. And hopefully our listeners have found a lot of gold nuggets along the way.

I mean, go back and re listen, go back and find your favorite part and really implement something that you've heard today that can really make a change in your family's life.

Herb: 00:44:28

And normally we ask, is there something that you would have liked to have talked about that you would have liked to have covered that maybe we didn't get to today? Is there something else that's like, man, I really wish we'd have talked about this.

Anthony Delauney: 00:44:41

I mean, we've hit a lot of really deep topics. I will share that. One of my biggest goals with the books, if you go and look at them, you'll notice that they all involve different families.

And the different families come from different backgrounds, different races, different ethnicities. I want to make sure that with the books, that a child, no matter what they look like or where they're from.

They feel like they can relate to the characters in the books. And what we find out in the later books is that all the kids live in the same neighborhood and they start having adventures together.

So I think that's really the idea, is just bringing people together and feeling that no matter where you are, where you're starting, there, there is a path, and. And there's a lot of people out there that want you to succeed.

Herb: 00:45:23

So, beautiful message. Thank you.

Kristina: 00:45:25

Absolutely. All right, one more time. That website that they can find you at, please.

Anthony Delauney: 00:45:30

Www.OwningTheDash.com OwningTheDash.com Excellent.

Kristina: 00:45:36

All right, listeners, it has been another wonderful episode. We are so glad that Anthony joined us today.

And hopefully, like I said, you picked up those gold nuggets, and you're going to put them in your pocket, take them with you, and put them out into use and into play and not just hiding them in your pocket. So go explore, learn, be with your family, and improve every single day.

Herb: 00:45:57

And, Anthony, I would like again to thank you for coming today. You saw a problem, you saw a need, and you're putting yourself out there into the world in order to make a difference.

So beyond just your coaching and people coming to you, you're now reaching out in different ways. And so instead of seeing the problem and doing nothing, you're actually becoming part of the solution and reaching out and making a difference.

And that is just a beautiful thing. And we need more people like you. So thank you for doing this. Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being on our show, and it has just been a pleasure to have you here today.

Anthony Delauney: 00:46:29

Oh, thank you. And I can tell you, after that ending, I just want to keep talking to you for the next hour because I feel like you just raised me up.

So thank you both. This has been really wonderful.

Kristina: 00:46:39

You're very welcome. All right, audience, until next time, take care, and bye bye for now.

Herb: 00:46:46

Hello and welcome to bringing education home. I'm Herb.

Kristina: 00:46:49

And I'm Christina.