S2EP74-Cynthia Klein-Get Your Family Talking: The Power of Family Meetings with Cynthia Klein!

Herb: 00:00:19

I now have the pleasure of introducing Cynthia Klein. Cynthia's mission is to contribute to world peace and the family is the place to begin.

As a certified parenting Expert for over 30 years, parents learn how to communicate effectively by applying her family harmony system. Cynthia is the author of the highly acclaimed book Ally Parenting and her signature video based program, Win Win Win Parenting.

Cynthia currently presents workshops online and in person and virtual private coaching sessions.

She has been featured on numerous podcasts, spoken in person at 650 plus schools and organizations, successfully coached over 3,000 private parenting sessions, and taught numerous online workshops. She focuses on supporting parents of 6 to 18 year olds on how to improve their relationship so they can create lifelong support and harmony.

Welcome, Cynthia. It is a pleasure to have you here today. Thank you for joining us.

Cynthia Klein: 00:01:15

This is wonderful. Thank you.

Kristina: 00:01:18

Yeah, thank you so very, very much. Whenever Cynthia and I got together, we've been in the same circles for a little while, talking about different things.

It's like, yep, it's time to have you come on. And then she came up with a topic that we haven't had a specific show on, which is the family meeting. What are they about?

How can they help our families? All of those different kinds of things. And those are the kinds of things that we're going to jump into today on the show.

So, Cynthia, why the family meeting? What? Why did that become a thing that you really wanted to talk about?

Why was that kind of one of those things that, you know, it's like, let's get more families involved? Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:01:51

Well, because that's what myself, my husband and my daughter, who is now grown, she's 38, we had family meetings and it made a huge difference. I believe in her ability to problem solve us having a platform for actually discussing things.

I have all the notes, I have my binder here with all the notes, handwritten notes taken during the family meetings. So it's just so exciting to think about parents and children taking time to get together to discuss things.

It's not about, you've done something wrong. We're having a family meeting. But that's what some parents want to use it for, right?

It's really as an opportunity to share things, problem solve together and talk about the hard things too.

So I just want more parents to have it because there's so many parents I talk to, they see their kids, especially if they're teenagers, like once a week if they're lucky. So I think it needs to be. There needs to be a set time that they get together and to not let that deviate from the calendar.

Kristina: 00:03:07

I absolutely love that. And you know, we're very, very much strong proponents of if you're not doing family meetings, at least you're doing family dinners. Right.

You're sitting down and having a time to talk with your children, talk about what's going on in the family.

Herb: 00:03:20

And we know how not easy that is. It sounds simple, but we didn't do it. We were the only.

When big stuff happened, when big families decisions needed to be made, is the only time we ever really sat down and talked with our kids because our kids had to do what we told them to do anyway. So we didn't necessarily bother including them in that process. And later in life we realized that that wasn't necessarily the best.

Kristina: 00:03:50

We could have done a lot better.

Herb: 00:03:51

But you know, we didn't have that modeled for us as well. Our parents didn't have have family meetings. So kid never had a family meeting. Is now a parent needs to start family meetings.

Doesn't understand it, doesn't know why it's a good idea. I'm 56, I know it's a good idea. And as I think about it, I have resistance to it. I don't want to do it, and I know it's a good idea.

But we also sit around and have dinner every night together. So. So how do. How does somebody who doesn't do that get started?

Cynthia Klein: 00:04:26

Yeah, so my husband wasn't that into it and neither was my daughter. So I just want to put it out there that it can only. It only has to be one person who is persuasive enough to say we really need to do this.

Because I'll tell you one thing. They're finding out and young people are trying to get jobs.

They are lacking problem solving skills, they're lacking teamwork, they're lacking how to communicate and cooperation. Even my daughter, 38, she has a couple younger people under her that she's hired. And she says, mom, they don't know how to take responsibility.

Like she's complaining. And so being in a family meeting, if you think of it as okay, I'm helping prepare them for the workplace.

You can think of it that way for a board meeting, for how to take minutes. Because in a family meeting, I have people take minutes. How to be a chairperson, how to be a secretary.

So if you're somebody who's resistant, you can think about it in terms of the business world. It's going to make them better qualified for the business world. And my daughter leads meetings and she's in the business World.

Now, I, it's partially her personality, but I know us having meetings was really, really helpful. And it just takes one of you to just say, we need to do this, we're going to do this. And to make sure it happens.

And don't try to get everybody a cheerleader about it. Don't expect it.

Herb: 00:06:04

Just so long as they show up, we're winning.

Kristina: 00:06:07

Right?

Cynthia Klein: 00:06:07

Exactly.

Kristina: 00:06:08

Yes, exactly. So I guess one of the things would be, like you said, to make sure it keeps happening.

So it's like one of these things you put on the calendar, you schedule it and it's one of those non negotiables unless it's like a family emergency that somebody is really desperately not able to. Right. So it's one of those things you schedule. Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:06:29

And I will tell you, I'll be going through what I propose as the agenda. Excuse me. And I also have an agenda that they can download. Download. One of the things was that allowance was given out at the family meeting.

Ah, that was an incentive as well. That's. And, and we always had allowance as a way to teach our daughter how to be responsible for money. So instead of her asking us for things.

Kristina: 00:07:03

Right.

Cynthia Klein: 00:07:03

She had an allowance. And that was one of the topics we would talk about at the family meeting is how much money she needed and what was it for.

And so she knew that's where she, she wasn't being, she was kind of being paid for attending, but.

Kristina: 00:07:22

Right.

Cynthia Klein: 00:07:22

You know, I, I know there needs to be an incentive, but.

Herb: 00:07:26

Well, you know, that's why people go to work is you get paid to be there. It's like if you weren't getting paid to go to work, you wouldn't go.

Kristina: 00:07:33

Right.

Cynthia Klein: 00:07:34

However, I tell parents, I encourage them not to pay for chores, but for attending. And just because also the thing about allowances right there in the meeting, you can discuss it and what it's going to be used for.

And so like my daughter knew if her friends wanted to go to a movie that, and she ran out of funds, she never asked us because she knew it was her responsibility.

Kristina: 00:08:00

Yeah, yeah.

So those are all those wonderful discussions that we talk about, you know, budgeting and planning and saving and gifting and, you know, all the different important things that you do with your money at a basic level when they're young and then they get a little bit more advanced whenever they get older. Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:08:16

Or my daughter, when she was 15 and a half, she got a job at Red Robin restaurant. I, she wanted to go apply, I drove her over there, she got out she came back with a job. And so at that point she was the hostess.

She said, I don't need allowance anymore because I'm making my own money.

Kristina: 00:08:36

So there you go. Perfect. Well, love it. I think also, though, isn't it important to make family meetings not necessarily fun, but at least not a total drag? Right.

How do we.

How do we make sure that, you know, it's not, like you said, not just the serious things you talk about while you're there, but the other things that are kind of fun and exciting as well.

Cynthia Klein: 00:08:58

So here's what I propose, is that you actually put up a piece of paper, a physical piece of paper that during the week or the two weeks that people can write down what they want to talk about. So one of the things my daughter wanted was to get a basketball hoop. So I said, put that on the agenda.

Or if there's conflict between siblings, you could put that on the agenda. So if they say, oh, you know, I want to go to the park next weekend, we'll put it on the agenda and we'll talk about it.

So it's also like, in the moment, you are not having to make decisions if you aren't ready to make decisions. So that's. So put a piece of paper. And that way anyone who wants to be on the agenda can be. Can put their name up there.

Now, granted, my daughter didn't do that much. She did it a little bit, but at least they know that that was an option. And so for the. And then you have a person who is a.

The person who does the leader, the chairperson and the person who's the secretary. So it's important for them to know that somebody's going to be in charge and it changes.

It's not the adult who's going to be the one to read off what's. What the past notes were, who's going to be the one who's going to say, okay, we're going to go on to the next person.

So I'll tell you, if you got a young child, they're kind of excited about doing that, right?

Herb: 00:10:41

Yeah.

I really like the paper idea about putting stuff on ahead of time because sometimes it's like, oh, if you wait until the meeting, you might forget what it was and it might have been important and it might still be important, but because it's, it's. You can't talk about it for four or five days, you might forget about it.

So putting it on the meeting agenda, it allows other people to walk by and look at is like oh, we're going to talk about that. And they might bring more to the table. So I really like that idea that. That is a good one.

Cynthia Klein: 00:11:13

So it's not like it's not the parents meeting. See, if the parents are the ones deciding what's going to be talked about, then it's their meeting.

So, like, when my daughter wanted the basketball hoop, like, that was, like, exciting for her. Oh, we're going to talk about that. And she ended up doing research about how much it cost.

That was the time you had to call up and find out what things cost. You couldn't go online, but she ended up doing the research. And how great did she feel that she was the one presenting the information?

So that when you made the decision of what to buy. So you've got the chairperson, you have the secretary. And like I said, I have all the notes. I am. These are a treasure for me.

And pass them down to my daughter when I move on. Here are the meeting notes that. I mean, I see her handwriting. It's. Anyways, it's very charming.

So you mentioned something, Christina, about it being fun.

Kristina: 00:12:14

Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:12:15

Okay, so the first step is that I encourage parents to do compliments.

Kristina: 00:12:21

Nice.

Cynthia Klein: 00:12:22

Everybody say something nice about each other. Now there. When you think there might be some groaning about that just a little.

Kristina: 00:12:29

Especially if the siblings are fighting.

Cynthia Klein: 00:12:31

Yeah. So even an appreciation, a thank you, something nice. I really think that's important.

Like, even when you're having conflict, there is something positive. And now you don't have to necessarily say it about every person. You know, I'm gonna let. I would let the parents decide or everybody decide.

How do you have to say it about everybody? You just have to say. Say it about one person. So you start out with that sense of joy and appreciation.

Kristina: 00:12:59

Gratitude. Yep. That is great.

Cynthia Klein: 00:13:02

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:13:03

And like, if it's a big family.

Herb: 00:13:04

Yeah. Me, here I am thinking about my sisters is like. Yeah, okay.

My little sister is really, really good at not caring what anybody else thinks before she does something. My older sister is really, really good at telling everybody what to do. So, yeah, I would. Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:13:24

Okay. So what would be some. If you think about setting up guidelines ahead of time. Right. What would be a guideline that would try to avoid that?

What would that be?

Herb: 00:13:34

Oh, they actually have to be compliments. Not. Not backhanded, you know, but sincere, because you can find.

Kristina: 00:13:42

You can find even the smallest things. You have a very nice smile today. Even if you're really mad at that. Really, really mad at them.

Herb: 00:13:48

Yeah. That twinkle in her eye right before she smacks you is really pretty, right?

Cynthia Klein: 00:13:55

Yeah. So, you know, trying to work on that. And I would recommend that you limit how long the meeting is, especially when you're starting out.

You might even do just 20 minutes.

Kristina: 00:14:05

Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:14:06

And set a timer. And when the timer goes off, that's it. Like, whatever. Okay. If we.

Because at the end you want to do something fun and either activity, tell jokes, something at the end that's fun. So you want to wrap it up and not have kids. Go, oh my gosh. It's going to be going on and on and on.

Herb: 00:14:26

So then the secretary gets to understand how to carry forward what wasn't discussed into the next meeting. So there's responsibilities and there's jobs in all of that as well. So.

Cynthia Klein: 00:14:37

Yeah. See all the good stuff for the business world. So the idea is you do the compliments and then you kind of review the notes from last time.

Like, what happened? Okay. What. What were you. What were you gonna do? Or what were the changes? How did that work out? We talked a lot about chores. That was one. One thing.

Not the whole time, but that was an issue that had to come up. So I think when you're doing collaborative discussions, it's important to understand what things do you collaborated on.

Kristina: 00:15:16

Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:15:17

Like if you have a certain rule, like I had a rule, if you're riding your bike, you have to wear the helmet. This was not up for discussion. So be clear.

If you're not going to change your mind possibly then don't even say you're going to discuss it at the meeting.

Kristina: 00:15:37

Makes sense. Yeah. I mean, big, big safety things. The kids have to know this.

There are some things parents will absolutely decide because of safety, etc, and that's just the way it is.

Herb: 00:15:46

Yeah. Or if you do discuss it, we are going to be discussing the immutable rules this month. These are the rules that you guys don't get to change.

These are the rules of the house. That's how you discuss those. Not as if they are up for debate or change.

But hey, we're going to recover the rules and the ground rules for existing in this place together.

Cynthia Klein: 00:16:07

Yes.

So as I talk about parents having three different roles, sometimes you're the director, sometimes you're the collaborator, and sometimes you're the supporter. So the director is what? Oh, I'm putting on my director role hat right now. I'm stating a rule.

Which one rule with my daughter was when she was out as a teenager, she had to answer the cell phone because some teenagers would just say, oh, if I don't answer it, then I can keep doing what I want to do and ignore the curfew so that, you know, she tried that one time and I wasn't very happy about that. So that became, you know, a rule. So that wasn't something that was just a stated rule. So you have to know when that is, because kids need to know.

Because we all have rules, right? Like you go driving.

Herb: 00:16:56

My unmutable rule was, if you're moving, you let me know. If you say you're going to be there, that's cool. Be there as long as you want. When you're. If you're going to go somewhere else, you let me know.

When you move, it's like, so if you don't show up, I know where to go look for a body. So it wasn't so much that it's not for me, for yes or no, it's, I need to know where you are. So I need to know where to look for you.

Not I'm not keeping track of you. I just need to know where to look in case there's issues.

Cynthia Klein: 00:17:26

So.

Herb: 00:17:26

And I've made that very, very clear. So. So those kind of rules, it's like. And they followed it because they knew. It's like, oh, why are you going there? It wasn't no third degree.

It was like safety. If you're being safe, you. Yeah, so that, that's something they still even do sometimes. It's like, oh, we're heading this way now.

Oh, we're going this way now. It's still ingrained, even years later.

Cynthia Klein: 00:17:49

And that was the same that I felt because when they're teenagers, you, you know, it's hard to control. But you need to know for safety things. So. So that's when you're being a director.

So kids need to know that because if they think that you discuss everything, then they're going to just try to discuss everything. So the family meeting is when you're saying, primarily this is when we're going to have dialogue.

These are topics that we're going to be having a discussion. So I'd recommend. I just really trying to keep. For that time, family meeting time is those that you're willing to discuss.

The supporter role is when you say you'll make the final decision. Maybe it's a friendship thing. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not going to tell you what I would do.

I'm here to support you thinking about it if you want. So when kids, teenagers, whatever you want to call them, are no.

When you're the director, when you're the supporter, and when you're going to talk about things, there's a lot less arguing going on.

Kristina: 00:18:54

Yeah, absolutely.

Cynthia Klein: 00:18:56

So you talk about old business. Okay. You review old business and then you do the new business and have discussions about that. Now, did your.

What do you think about with your family, if they would be open to discuss things? How many children do you have?

Kristina: 00:19:13

Three.

Cynthia Klein: 00:19:13

Three.

Kristina: 00:19:13

We have two. Two boys.

Cynthia Klein: 00:19:15

Okay. And are they. Would they openly talk about things or, like, if they wanted to go on a trip, would they share ideas?

Kristina: 00:19:26

They. They would have. If we would have brought them into it a little bit more. You know, our boys are completely grown right now. But.

But yeah, I mean, whenever we would bring up ideas, like, where do you want to go for vacation this summer? Those kinds of things, I think that's super important to get everybody's input.

Herb: 00:19:41

And if they wanted to do something, they didn't hesitate to ask. It's like, hey, we wanna. Hey, there's this thing going on over here. And, you know, a lot of times it was more of a.

Is there something going on with the family? To see why I can't do that? Instead of necessarily so very. Yeah, it was. It was weird different in our house.

Cynthia Klein: 00:20:04

I don't think it was weird different. That. You know, what just triggered me thinking about, like, going over the calendar would be a.

Wouldn't you think that would be a great thing to talk about in the family?

Herb: 00:20:14

That's one of the things that, especially as teenagers and as the families, that would be the main thing to, from my point of view, to discuss as a family, because all of the different ways people need to. To move at times and what's going.

Cynthia Klein: 00:20:28

On when you're gonna. What you need, who's gonna help what, you know, what person. And then the allowance I did. Don't want to forget about the allowance. I don't know.

Not everybody does allowance. I did it to help my daughter learn how to manage money.

Kristina: 00:20:47

Yeah. I think talking about chores and responsibilities around the house as well. Right. Who's going to be responsible for this set of chores this week?

Who's going to be responsible for this set of chores? Just so that people know, you know, and then if they need to swap it out, you know.

Oh, I know that this week I have this big test coming up, so can I swap with somebody? Because it's going to be really hard or something like that.

I think those would be great conversations to have at the table because again, you're problem solving and you're pre planning and pre thinking and few other skills that are really helpful.

Cynthia Klein: 00:21:18

And one of the things is when you're trying to get ideas, like going on a trip, sometimes if you ask a direct question, you'll get an I don't know. So if you get an I don't know, I encourage backtracking and saying, instead of saying, where do you want to go?

Saying, let's think of some different possible places we could go. So you open it up. Because when you say, where do you want to go? You're like asking for a final decision without the brainstorming.

Kristina: 00:21:54

Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:21:56

So brainstorming. So if you ever get, I don't know, step back and say, okay, we need to do some brainstorming.

What are some possible things, places to go, possible things to do.

I had one couple I was coaching, had two girls and they were going to go on a long trip and they were going to be going with some other families of which they didn't know all of them. And I said, what do you think might be potential problems before you leave?

And so they had a discussion with what could be some potential problems, like they, the two girls fighting. So they brought that up. What would the fighting be about the mom, you know, I would also need some time alone.

How are we going to make sure that happens? One of the girls really was afraid of flying, so, so she wanted to be by her dad, so it really helped.

He said they brought up these potential issues to address them ahead of time. Yeah. And amazing. And he said they had such a smooth trip because things were brought to the surface so you could use it for that.

Like, okay, let's say you're going on a car trip and you know, in the past there's, you've been arguing with the kids. Right. They're doing this too much. Or maybe they're on their devices all the time and you don't want that. What's this? I, okay, tell me about it.

Kristina: 00:23:30

Oh, just, you know, like the whole poking in the back seat.

Herb: 00:23:33

He's sitting too close to me.

Kristina: 00:23:35

Too close to whatever. Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:23:37

I, I, I was the youngest with two older brothers, and I had to sit in the middle on the hump of the car.

Kristina: 00:23:45

Yes.

Herb: 00:23:45

Oh, yeah, Little Miss Innocent. Poking both of them. And as soon as they retaliate, he's b. I, I have a little sister. I know how mean you are.

Cynthia Klein: 00:23:56

I didn't do it.

Herb: 00:23:57

I would move my everything on your boys. That ain't the way it works.

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:02

Well, he did pick on me all the time of Course he did. Yeah, he did. Right.

Herb: 00:24:06

But that's because you were just unbearable.

Kristina: 00:24:08

Right.

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:09

I mean, his innocent little sister. But if you can imagine, like, helping take responsibility ahead of time.

Kristina: 00:24:16

Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:16

Okay, what's going to be a problem? What are we going to do about it? Let's say you want to have some dialogue. You don't want them on their devices all the time.

So that would be something you could bring up in a family meeting. Yep.

Herb: 00:24:28

Yep. Hey, let's think of some games that we can play. Car bingo. Let's bring up some other games. What do you want to do?

What books do you want mom to read while we're driving around?

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:39

Yeah.

Herb: 00:24:40

So, yeah, we went. We went on a trip and she would read to the boys, and that was beautiful. They weren't allowed. They were.

They would just be there and as soon as she stopped, it'd be like, no, mom, go.

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:51

Yeah, yeah. We listen to audiobooks a lot.

Kristina: 00:24:57

Yep. Right.

Cynthia Klein: 00:24:59

So, yes, when you start, you can see how just our discussion here is like thinking about what are all the different possible things to talk about in a family? Because if you don't talk about them ahead of time, it's like they will, you know, which issues are going to be coming up.

And so you want to think about that ahead of time. And then it helps your kids think about proactive planning ahead of time. Like, what are potential problems that I can address now?

So like I said, my boss, we all. We always talked about allowance. What are you going to spend money on? How much do you need? I mean, I have it all written down in here.

What, you know, what she's going to spend her money on, her makeup, her hair stuff. So I think just keep thinking about that. And what. Think about that. It's going to create unity.

And so when you make any kind of plan, you want to make sure it's on the schedule to meet again and discuss it. How did that go? Like, my daughter would complain about emptying the dishwasher.

And I say, well, if you want to trade with me and put them in instead, you could do that. She didn't take that offer.

Kristina: 00:26:08

Yeah, right, exactly. So we've been talking a lot about it. Sounds like when they're older. Right. When they have a little bit more communication skills.

Cynthia Klein: 00:26:15

Six, Age six.

Kristina: 00:26:17

Let's back it down and make sure we can bring in those. Oh, I have a toddler running around. Is it impossible to have a family meeting or.

Oh, my kids are too young to read and so they can't really read the minutes. Let's Give some ideas for those ages that, you know right on the cusp of getting started. Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:26:32

Yeah. It's a little tricky. They kind of need to be in elementary school.

Kristina: 00:26:35

Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:26:36

To do this.

Kristina: 00:26:37

Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:26:37

The little ones, they. They don't have the. They can't sit there and pay attention because you're also teaching how to listen, how to not talk when somebody else is talking.

I recommend a talking stick. So. Yeah. Start thinking about it. Okay. They're in elementary school. You can say to them, hey, guess what?

Now you guys are old enough to have a family meeting. Isn't this exciting?

Kristina: 00:27:00

Yeah, isn't it exciting? I love that. Yes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:27:03

Yeah. So you can take notes. So. Yeah. The little ones. Yeah. Let them run around still.

Kristina: 00:27:07

Yeah, exactly. So we've talked about if we have a time limit, Right. For.

Especially at the beginning, like 20 minutes or whatever, what happens to the things that don't get discussed? Do they have to be discussed at a different time? Are we waiting the full week or two weeks to come back?

Because then the event might already be done kind of thing? So. Yeah. How do we do that?

Cynthia Klein: 00:27:27

So if. Okay, if you say time is up.

Well, one of the things, when you look at the agenda, you would say ahead of time, what's the most important thing to talk about first?

Kristina: 00:27:37

There we go. Yep.

Cynthia Klein: 00:27:38

Do some priorities.

Kristina: 00:27:40

Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:27:40

Okay. We're going on a trip next weekend. We have to plan that first. And maybe some other things won't be coming up.

And you also, if you need to do another 10 minutes and say, okay, is everybody okay with, we're going to set the timer for another 10 minutes. Yeah. So that you get agreement with that. But yeah, good point. You want to make sure you get the most important things talked about first.

Kristina: 00:28:03

Excellent. So let's see, you said that you actually wrote, you know, your notes and things like that, and then you have those left over. So if.

One other thing I was thinking along that lines is some people have like a gratitude jar or something at the end of the year or on the new year, they, like, pull those out and talk about them.

What if you took those family notes and went back, oh, look, look how far we've come this year from our family meetings and what we've discussed and things like that. It's another way to bring that back around to the meeting is worth it.

And the meeting does bring us a lot of good information as well as gratitude and things.

Cynthia Klein: 00:28:38

And knowing kids, knowing that there's an issue, that they can bring it up and make what's really important when Kids are sharing possible ideas. Make sure and write them down.

Kristina: 00:28:51

Ah, yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:28:51

Because when you write something down, it says to the person you're listening to, you're important.

Kristina: 00:29:00

I didn't think about that, but you're right. Yeah. When things get written down, usually it seems like it's a little bit more important or a little bit more taken seriously.

Cynthia Klein: 00:29:09

Like when I'm teaching, if I see some people sitting their heads down, I'm not offended. I'm like, yes, there's something that's right resonated with them.

So when you're doing brainstorming with kids, and I teach in my book, Ally Parenting, how to do brainstorming, when you do that, you, you're always like writing down everything everybody says and then you start paring it down. So you got to be careful not saying, oh, that's a. You know, siblings, right. You can relate to this.

Kristina: 00:29:37

Herbs.

Cynthia Klein: 00:29:38

That's stupid. So you have to do ahead of time. I have a whole list that you're going to get in the download.

I'm offering kind of some guidelines, which is one, you don't put the other person down.

Kristina: 00:29:49

Right. Exactly. All of those things.

Cynthia Klein: 00:29:52

And sometimes you need a physical thing to hold on to for the person who's talking that kind of helps them see. Oh, that, you know, talking stick or something. Some families use that to help them guide them. Who's talking, who's listening?

Because you can imagine your kids learning how to listen. Because a lot of parents complain, my kids never listen.

So if they're listened to in the family meeting, then they're going to learn what it feels like to be listened to and devalued and to be valued. And they're more likely to listen to others.

Kristina: 00:30:25

Yeah. That is awesome. Amazing. So let's see. I'm trying to think of any other questions.

Is there anything that you had written down that you wanted to make sure you shared with us that we haven't gotten to today? Yeah.

Cynthia Klein: 00:30:38

Let me see. I think one of the key things is there's ways you can learn to actually keep conversations going.

There's often parents will use what's called communication blocks that will shut a child down. So if you're having a hard time getting kids to talk, there's more training you can get.

It isn't just easy because some of you might be thinking, oh, my kids would never do this. I don't know how to get them to talk. They don't share anything or they always say, I don't know.

So just have confidence that there are skills that you can learn. You can learn what not to say and you can learn what to say to encourage more dialogue.

And if you're the one who wants to do this, just tell your family passionately. This is going to be so amazing for our family to have time together. We. We're going to listen to each other. So the siblings are.

I don't want to go, hey, you're going to be listened to. You know, we're going to make sure that we honor what you have to say. So really pump it up. You might have to do that.

And like I say, I encourage homework to. I mean, I'm. I'm sorry, not homework. I encourage for allowance to be given out and talk about that. So I don't know, It's. It's tricky.

A lot of parents, I don't think, are doing allowance, but I encourage that.

Kristina: 00:32:04

Yeah, and I would, too. I mean, we didn't do allowance, but it was still a discussion around if we want.

If they wanted something, you know, why was that going to be and what was going to happen, things like that. So, you know, there's different things about allowance, but you can definitely use it for the good of teaching around finances and things like that.

Herb: 00:32:22

Yeah. Their birthday money was usually saved in different times of the year. They were, they were given money or something would come in and.

And then we would discuss it that way instead of necessarily as, as allowances.

Cynthia Klein: 00:32:35

Yeah, there's this. So you have to think about at the end of the meeting, what can you do that'll be fun, right?

I mean, even telling jokes or even having a dessert or, or a game. So think about what's the incentive at the end that would. And then they can come up with ideas.

So think about the family meeting is not the adults saying, oh, you've done something wrong. We're going to talk about this. That's not what the family meeting is about. This.

It's about building community, building connection kids learning how to listen, how to support each other. And we did it for many, many, many years. And it really, I think, built a really deep connection in our family that has never been lost.

Our daughter just moved us down to Southern California from Northern California because she wanted us to be close to her so she can help take care of us. So I think having family meetings was a solid foundation for her feeling heard and valued. And I think a lot of parents want that. Take the time.

You know, just think of it, think of it as maybe 45 minutes. That's all of a week. If now we didn't always do it every week. But I tried to as much as possible just think about that little amount of time.

The great benefit it could allow your family to feel great about each other.

Kristina: 00:34:00

Absolutely. Yeah. Cynthia, this has been awesome.

Cynthia Klein: 00:34:03

Yes.

Kristina: 00:34:03

Please let our audience know how is the best way to get a hold of you. And then you also said that you had a free gift for our audience that will be down in the show notes.

Cynthia Klein: 00:34:13

I do.

So again, my name is Cynthia Klein and my website is HTTPs bridges the number two understanding.com so there bridges to understanding.com you can see all about my. I do a lot of per speaking like I've done hundreds and hundreds beforehand in person. My coaching classes.

I have lots and lots of articles on my blog so you can learn many, many things. And then my gift is build trust, respect and cooperation with the respectful family meetings.

And I have here for you, like the agenda, the rules to express ahead of time. I've got, it's about four pages here. Like you will get, you know, anyways, you're going to get all the details of what I talked about. A checklist.

Oh, what did she say that was, you know, here we've got here the agenda right here. Okay. So I really want to encourage people to download that to give them a skeleton of how to help create family meetings.

And of course then you change it to what's going to be best for your family. But please start thinking about having family meetings.

Kristina: 00:35:34

Awesome. Thank you so very much. Yes. Family, you know, we talk so much about values. We talk so much, so much around connection and everything.

You're a public school family, a private school family, a homeschool family. These are the kinds of things, these family meetings, these connections, these communications that really bring us together.

So please make sure you're doing something every single week that brings your family closer together.

Herb: 00:35:57

Yeah. Thank you for so much for being here. This is such valuable information. We didn't and we wish we had.

We had every person that we've talked to that that does this, they don't regret it and they talk about how much it really helps even if they've started it later. So yes, this is a great thing to do. And if you hear this and is like I don't know how to get started. Start get some help, get some check, check in.

And so thank you so much for being here. Do the download right is so valuable. So thank you so much for sharing.

Cynthia Klein: 00:36:30

Well, it's been my pleasure because I'm very passionate about this. As you can tell. Like I've kept the notes.

That's how passionate I am looking at all the, the, the things we talked about, all the things that were important to us as a family. It's really a treasure to have. So I, I hope any people will really start thinking about it. It's, it's not too hard.

It's just you have that determination and it will happen.

Kristina: 00:36:55

Beautiful. Thank you so very much, CYNTHIA. AUDIENCE thank you for being here today. Thank you for downloading and subscribing and sharing.

I if you know of a family who needs this information that Cynthia has given or any of our other experts that we have, come Visit us@vieducation.com as well. We have lots of great resources for you there.

So make sure that you're doing your best to share the message and keep your family happy, healthy and successful as you're learning and growing. All right, until next week. Talk to you later.

Cynthia Klein: 00:37:24

Bye, everybody.